Spring 2021

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When I see children who have good manners, it warms
my heart and endears me immediately to that child. Yes,
I do love the little not-so-polite ones as well. I know all
kids develop at their own rate, and that includes social niceties. I
am so grateful for the adults who loved my children in their not-
so-loveable moments when they were small. But when a child says
“Thank you” or “Please,” when they respond to my “Hi, Johnny!”, or
when they look people in the eye when someone talks to them, it
is a blessing.
The goal in teaching our children goodmanners is not so that we
look like the best parents ever. The goal is not to have proper little
gentlemen and ladies (though that actually sounds lovely). The
heart of good manners is to show love to others. It tells the other
person, “You are important enough to me that I am going to treat
you with respect. I will defer to you. Whether I feel like it or not, I will
go out of my way to put you first.”
Before writing about how we teach our children to show good
manners, let me give some examples of good manners. Most of
these are probably obvious, but a few of them aren’t as commonly
known or practiced.
• Look people in the eyes when talking or listening.
• Return a greeting. If someone says “Hi” or “How’s it going?” at the
very least, we should respond with a greeting.
• Return a smile. Better yet, initiate one.
• Obvious, but worth mentioning: Say “Please” and “Thank you.”
• Chewwith your mouth closed.
• Respect those who are older. Teach your children not to correct
adults. Teach them to defer to adults. The exception, of course, is
when safety and/or abuse is involved. But if an adult expresses an
opinion, teach your child that he doesn’t need to contradict them. As
they get older, they can be taught how to have a respectful discus-
sion when different views are expressed. But first, they must learn to
respect those who are older.
• Teach your sons to respect
girls. Teach them to let girls
go first in the food line. (Can
you tell that we go to a Baptist
church? We eat a lot together.)
If there are a limited number
of chairs, teach them to let the
girls have the chairs.
I am sure you can think of
many more, but these are a few
that came to my mind.
The best way to teach our
children good manners is to
model it. If they see us doing all
these things listed above, they
will be more apt to do the same.
Also, if we treat our children
with the same courtesy with
which we want them to treat us
and others, they will be more likely to do it as well. Take the time
to look them in the eyes when they talk to you or you talk to them.
Even simple phrases like adding “Please” when giving our child in-
structions. “Please set the table for me.”When the job is completed,
thank them. Yes, we are their authority and have every right to give
them instructions, but it does not undermine our authority in the
least by adding simple common courtesies.
Teaching our children manners does not have to be an unpleas-
ant experience. It can actually be quite fun. When our children were
small, we did a lot of role playing. We would act out common re-
sponses with our own little drama or with stuffed animals. They
do outgrow the fun of this, but when they are quite small, my kids
loved this. They got Mom’s attention, manners were taught in a fun
way, and they could do the voices and make their own little plays.
(Sometimes the “play” went on to quite a story line that involved a
G o o d M a n n e r s S h o w a L o v e f o r O t h e r s
BY KIM STILLWELL
b
... the heart of
good manners is to
show love to others.
It tells the other
person, “you are
important enough
to me that I am
going to treat
you with respect.”
b