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SPRING 2021 HOMESCHOOL IOWA 17
lot more than manners.) We would also talk about it on our way to
church and other places. “If Mrs. Smith talks to you, how will you re-
spond?What is something fun you can tell her about?”We would go
over the Three Manners Rule for interacting with people. (Look the
person in the eyes. Smile. Respond.) At the very least, our children
should respond with a “hi” and answer any questions asked, even
one as simple as “How are you?”When they do chat with that adult
at church, tell them they did a good job showing love and respect.
Unfortunately, it can’t always be fun and games. There will be
times, as children get older, when they choose to not show respect
and good manners. During these times, correction and even dis-
cipline may be needed. Usually, those who struggle most, are one
of two extremes: The child may be very shy and have a hard time
reaching out to others, or the child may seek to be the center of at-
tention and monopolize the conversation and
the time of others. My children tended to be
more on the shy side, so we had to work to
teach them to overcome their shyness and
self-consciousness enough to think of the oth-
er person more than themselves. My friends
who had more outgoing children assured me
that they felt I had it easier. They felt that it was
easier to draw children out than to pull them
back. Perhaps that is true, but it was quite a
challenge to help our kids get past their shy-
ness with people they didn’t know well. I am
happy to say that all five of my kids, as adults,
do engage others and reach out to others.
Four of the five of our young adults are very
social and outgoing now. (I’ll tell more about
the other one in a minute.)
Some of us have children who experience
special needs. One of our children is on the
autism spectrum. Learning basic manners
was a much longer process for him. He was
eleven before he would look at people in
the eyes. He was in his mid teens before he
learned to return a question with a question.
We (both him and us, as his parents) worked
very hard at helping him learn this. If you have
a child who has special needs, please know
that it will be a much longer and harder pro-
cess, but don’t give up. You will be glad you
perservered. Our son will be 26 by the time
this column goes to print. He looks people in
the eyes and can carry on a conversation with
others. Those who choose to take the time
to get to know him talk about how sweet he
is. Like most kids on the spectrum, he is very
black and white, but he still has learned to de-
fer to others by responding and conversing.
Even children who do not have special
needs develop their social graces at differ-
ent ages. One of our children (the firstborn,
of course) was saying all the right things (not
only“please”and“thank you”) and carrying on
polite conversations at age three. Others of
our children were still needing reminders in
late childhood. Give grace and be patient, but
don’t give up on teaching them to love others
by having good, simple, basic manners.
I work part time at the bakery in a Fare-
way. The other day I was putting cookies on the shelf. Suddenly I
heard, “Excuse me, Ma’am.” I looked down to see an adorable little
boy looking up at me with his big, brown eyes. My heart melted. He
slipped past me to grab a package of cookies, and then said, “Thank
you, Ma’am” before returning to his mom who was waiting for him.
It was a short encounter, but the polite little boy warmed my heart
and made my day.
Editor’s Note: Kim Stillwell is a veteran homeschooling mom, devoted wife, prayer warrior,
and mentor to many. Kim has been a long-time contributor to the magazine and we value the
wisdom she has shared with us over the years. Unfortunately, this is Kim’s last column as she
was recently diagnosed with cancer and felt that she should turn her focus to her family and
her health. Would you please join the team at Homeschool Iowa in lifting her and her family
up in prayer. Kim’s spirit is strong and her true Godly character is shining through these hard
days - but her physical body needs a touch from the Master Healer.
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