Winter 2019

18 / 28

18
As I look back over 27 years of parenting, I believe there are three main
keys that are helpful. Nearly every important part of parenting falls under
one of these categories. There are no magic formulas (how I wish there
were sometimes), but following these three principles is a huge step in the right
direction.
Point Them to Christ
In everything we say and do, we should point our children to Christ. Our lives
to be so focused on this that it becomes as natural as breathing. These kind of
statements should be scattered throughout our conversations with our children.
“This morning when I was reading Scripture the Holy Spirit remindedme of the
neatest thing ....”
“Isn’t that sunset beautiful! I love God’s creativity.”
“I’m so glad that God decided you should be part of our family.”
“Mommy is trying to be like Mary and sit at the feet of Jesus by having my
Bible reading and prayer time instead of always rushing around like Martha to
get everything done.”
We also point our children to Christ when we give them loving correction. When
there are consequences for their sinful behavior, we are teaching them to be more
Christ-like. When we discipline in love and patience instead of anger, we are pointing
them to Christ. When we correct by saying phrases like, “You do not honor God
and you do not honor me when you speak to me in that tone,” instead of getting
angry or arguing back or making their disrespect about us, we are showing them
the reason for their ungodly behavior.
We also point our children to Christ by making God’s Word important. Do you
take your children to church on a regular basis? Do they see you reading the Bible
and praying? Do you encourage them to do these things? Do you incorporate
teaching God’s Word into your routine? (In our family, we required Bible read-
ing and Scripture memory. It was part of our school day. At some point they all
reached the place where they took ownership of their own time and God’sWord.)
Do you share the gospel with them on a regular basis (while not pushing them to
make a salvation decision that is not genuine just to please us)?
Another way we point our children to Christ is by how we treat others. Do you
reach out to others and encourage your children to do the same? Do your children
see you come alongside the hurting? On the rare occasions you must speak nega-
tively about someone to your children, do you do it with compassion and grace or
do you“bash” the person to bits? Do you treat your family with the same kindness
and respect that you treat those outside your family? (No one is as quick to spot
hypocrisy as your tweens and teens.)
Pray for Them
The longer I am a parent, the more I realize how important it is to pray for our
children. No matter how busy we are, we can silently pray and ask God for His wis-
dom and help concerning our children. We can pause a few seconds in the heat
of a difficult moment and ask for wisdom and grace. We can also ask His help for
ongoing, pressing issues concerning a particular child. Now that my kids are older,
I have more time of concentrated prayer for them (and others), and it has been
such a blessing to me to be able to pray extensively for them.
Praying helps us realize our dependence on God in our parenting. I’m at a stage
in life where my children make most of their own decisions. Jeff and I are here to
support, guide, pray, and give advice, but unless we think they are making a sinful
decision, one in which we would lovingly confront other brothers and sisters in
The Principles of Parenting
BY KIM STILWELL