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From the time I was a little girl, my dreamwas to be amommy.
I never really had any other major goal. I can’t begin to tell
you what a joy parenting has been for me. My children are
one of the biggest blessings in my life. I have loved homeschool-
ing them (most of the time!) and am so thankful for the extra
time that gave me to be involved in my children’s lives.
Having said all of that, anyone who has been a parent for any
length of time knows that parenting brings challenges. I antici-
pated getting up multiple times each night with my babies. I
knew potty training would not be easy. I was fully aware of the
fact that I would be cleaning up after overflowing diapers and
sick little tummies. I expected that my children, like their mom,
would be sinners. I expected that there would be times when
they were disrespectful and disobedient. I even expected that I
would probably have a child or two who was extra stubborn and
strong willed. All those things proved to be true.
However, some parenting challenges caught me completely
off guard. Never did Jeff and I imagine that we would have a
child born with a birth defect that would require ten surgeries.
We didn’t expect to have a child who experienced fairly severe
special needs. We had never heard of the term“sensory integra-
tion dysfunction”, much less expect to have a child who experi-
enced it. Nor did I imagine having a child who struggled with
depression, to the point where she struggled to get out of bed
some mornings, and even contemplated suicide at times. That
wasn’t even on our radar! After all, this wouldn’t happen to a
child who was born in a loving, Christian home, would it?
With our daughter Jessica’s permission, I’d like to focus on
that last one. For many years, out of respect for Jessica’s privacy,
I would not have spoken about this on such a public platform.
But Jessica has reached the point where she is ready to share her
story in hopes that it will help others.
One of Jessica’s biggest struggles has always been fear. She
has always felt every emotion deeply. However, starting at about
age twelve, her fear and sadness consumed her. She began to
struggle spiritually, doubting her salvation, and even doubting if
there was a God. She became intense and emotional about ev-
erything. Jeff and I expected this to be short-lived. We thought
we could simply pray for her and talk her through it, and that this
“phase” would be over in a few weeks or perhaps a few months.
That didn’t happen. It lasted for years.
Fast-forward to nineteen-year-old Jessica. Though she still
struggles some with fear and mild discouragement, Jessica has
become a tenderhearted young lady who reaches out to oth-
ers, purposely strives to do things outside her comfort zone, and
who serves the Lord. Her intense struggle has given her com-
passion for others who experience similar trials. It was a long,
difficult journey for all of us. However, it has also been a time of
much spiritual growth as we learned how much we needed the
Lord. We were too weak and frail to do it on our own.
I’d like to share some things with you that we learned along
the way. I realize that these specific principles may not apply to
the particular situation you are going through with your child,
but perhaps some of what I share here will be helpful to you and
your husband as you help your children through their particular
challenge.
1) Do not neglect your own spiritual growth. Having a child
go through an extremely difficult time can be consuming and
When Parenting Throws You the Unexpected
BY KIM STILWELL