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SUMMER 2017
HOMESCHOOL IOWA 13
exhausting, but God can and will use this difficult time to help
us grow. You need to stay spiritually strong so that you can help
your child. You need to make sure that you spend time reading
God’s Word, meditating on His promises and praying. Church
attendance at a Bible-preaching church is essential during this
time, both for yourself, and your child.
2) Be there for your child.
Let them talk. Let them process. If
they need to talk about their struggles every single day, be there
to listen. I am thankful that Jessica was very open and needed/
wanted to talk about what she was going through. At times this
was draining and exhausting, both emotionally and physically,
but I much preferred that Jessica talk to me instead of clamming
up. If you do have a child who clams up (I have a couple of those
as well) do not try to force them to talk; it won’t work anyway.
Let them know they are free to tell you anything. Be available.
If they do open up, even slightly, be there to listen. Having said
that, your whole lives cannot revolve around what your child is
going through. More about that later.
3) Avoid scolding or lectur-
ing
. Avoid it like the plague. Listen.
Share Scripture with them. Give prac-
tical and godly counsel. Pray for them.
Pray with them. Gently and lovingly
admonish them. If you do mess up
and scold or lecture, ask their forgive-
ness. I blew it many times, but Jessica
was always quick to forgive.
4) No matter what your child
tells you, do not act shocked.
If you
do, it will take a long time to regain
their trust. (Especially those clammer-
uppers!) No matter how horrified you
may feel inside, remember that no sin, no thought, no action is
beyond God’s love and forgiveness. There is no sin that cannot
be overcome in Christ’s strength. Thank your child for opening
up to you and encourage them with the fact that, while sins may
have earthly consequences, God will forgive any sin if we only ask.
5) Seek the help of a biblical counselor.
While Jeff and I,
and a couple of dear friends did all we could to guide Jessica
through her difficult time, we now believe that having biblical
counsel would have been beneficial. A biblical counselor prob-
ably would have helped Jessica get to the root of her problem;
and would have helped her overcome the problem in a shorter
amount of time than what it took. Ideally, one’s pastor is the best
place to start.
6) Do not let your child’s difficulties harm your marriage.
It
is easy to let our struggling child’s issues take over our lives, but
remember that your marriage is your number one human pri-
ority. Your child will be much better off, not to mention more
secure, if they know that your marriage is strong and healthy.
7) Be careful not to neglect your other children.
They need
you, too. Not only do they have their own struggles (even if they
are to a much lesser extent), but having a sibling going through
a severe struggle may add to their own insecurities and confu-
sion. While a child with severe needs of any kind can be consum-
ing, we need to remember that our other children need us, too.
8) Encourage your child to spend time daily in Bible read-
ing and prayer
. No matter what their emotions and feelings
may be, remind them, gently and in love, that their relationship
with God is not contingent on their emotions. The less they feel
like reading God’sWord and praying, the more they need to do it.
If your child finds this too overwhelming to do on their own, plan
a time for the two of you to have a Bible time together each day.
9) Our child’s struggles, no matter what they might be,
are not an excuse to sin
. We should still not allow our child to
be lazy, disrespectful, or to mistreat their siblings.
10) Put your child in situations where they reach out to
others.
One of the best ways to overcome discouragement is to
focus on someone besides ourselves. When going through a dif-
ficult trial, it is easy to become selfish. Putting others first, even
when we want to just curl up and cry, helps us to remember that
life is not all about us.
11) Admit you need help.
We tend to want the world to think
we have it all together when it comes to our motherhood. This
is to our detriment. God has put us in
the body of Christ for many reasons,
and one is to be able to lean on our
brothers and sisters in Christ in times
of need. While we should respect our
child enough to not broadcast their
struggles to the world, it is wise to
seek godly counsel.
This may sound over-simplistic, but
a friend recently shared that these five
things helped her overcome a time of
discouragement. Jessica did many of
these things, and I believe they did
help her in the long run.
A) As mentioned previously, have daily time in God’s
Word and prayer.
B) Exercise several days a week.
C) Drink plenty of water.
D) Avoid junk food. Focus on protein, fruits, and veggies.
E) Get outside every day.
Perhaps your family is going through something even more
heart-wrenching than what my family has gone through. Per-
haps your child has completely turned away from God. Perhaps
your child has such severe physical or mental problems that you
are required to be “on call” 24/7. Perhaps your child is in juve-
nile detention or incarcerated. Whatever you and your child are
going through, remember that God loves your child even more
than you do. Remember that He gives strength, grace, and cour-
age that we cannot even fathom. Remember that, even in the
darkest moments, God is with you. He will never leave you, or
your child. He will never forsake you or your child. May God bless
you and help you as you seek Him in every circumstance of life.
Kim has been married to Jeff, her high school sweetheart, since 1987. They have been
blessed with five children: Joshua, married to Alissa; Joseph; Josiah; Jessica; and Jennifer.
The older four are young adults, and Jennifer is in high school. Jeff and Kim have home-
schooled their children since their oldest son started school. They make their home in Des
Moines, Iowa.
“We tend to want the world to
think we have it all together when
it comes to our motherhood.
This is to our detriment. God has
put us in the body of Christ for
many reasons, and one is to be
able to lean on our brothers and
sisters in Christ in times of need.”