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We have a 23-year-old son who experiences special
needs. Though Joseph can handle a full-time job as
a custodian, relationships are a challenge for him.
He doesn’t always know what to say or how to respond. Usu-
ally when someone talks to him, he will say a few words, but
not many. He often has to stop to think a few seconds about
his response. Some people do not wait. The silence makes them
uncomfortable, and they either talk again before he can respond
(to break the silence) or they give up and walk away. Over the
years, Joseph has made great progress. He used to not be able to
look people in the eye or to respond at all. However, it is still hard
to have a deep relationship with him because he rarely responds
in much depth at all.
Sometimes Joseph’s silence makes people think that he is not
perceptive. They would be surprised to know how very percep-
tive Joseph really is. He notices what goes on around him. He
senses when he is loved and accepted. He knows when some-
one doesn’t like him. He knows if he is ignored or left out. If
someone takes the effort to know him, they will find that he has
well-thought-out opinions and beliefs. They will learn that he
has a sweet and gentle spirit. They will learn to enjoy his delight-
ful, dry sense of humor. They will come to realize that he has a
very generous heart. Having a relationship with Joseph takes a
lot more time and patience than it does to have a relationship
with most people, but I truly believe those who have made the
effort would say it was worth it.
Most of us love and appreciate people who love our children.
It means the world to us when someone reaches out to them,
shows interest, and loves them in spite of their imperfections.
This is even more true when one has a child who is socially awk-
ward and/or experiences special needs. I would like to talk about
four people who have invested in Joseph. Circumstances have
led to a closer relationship with a couple of these people, but,
whether a more minor relationship or a deeper one, reaching
out to Joseph has still required effort, love, and Christ-likeness
on their part. What do these four friends have in common? I see
two main commonalities. All four respect Joseph as a person
and they all continued to talk to him and reach out to him, even
when they received little or no response.
There is a young man in our church who is three months older
than Joseph. Austin has been a good friend to Joseph for many
years. After church services, Austin will often purposely seek Jo-
seph out and talk to him. If Austin is bothered by how one-sided
the conversation is at times, you would never know it. The lack
of response has never kept Austin from seeking Joseph out the
next time. He has even taken Joseph shooting. Austin is now
married and has a baby, but he continues to take time to be
with Joseph. Recently, when I thanked Austin for being a good
friend to Joseph, his answer surprised and humbled me. He said
that Joseph is a good friend to him, too. Austin has seen be-
hind Joseph’s quiet awkwardness and values him as a friend. Jo-
seph thinks the world of Austin and has said that if he gets mar-
ried, he wants his brothers and Austin to be his groomsmen.
Joseph’s cousin recently married a young man named Kyle.
From the time Kyle met Joseph, he has reached out to him. It
didn’t seem to bother Kyle in the least that Joseph didn’t re-
spond to him in the same friendly, joking, outgoing manner
that my other kids did. Kyle engages Joseph in conversation,
jokes with him, calls him “My Man Joe” and reaches out to him
every time he sees him. Sadly, Kyle and Rebekah now live out of
state, but Joseph remembers Kyle’s friendship andmentions him
from time to time.
Our daughter-in-love, Alissa, married our oldest son, Joshua,
five-years-ago. She accepted Joseph as a brother. She treats him
just like she treats our other kids. She listens respectfully when
he talks. She teases him. She laughs at his jokes. Joseph feels
very comfortable with Alissa. When he is with Alissa and Josh, he
acts just as he does when he is with just our immediate family. In
Reaching Out to Those with Special Needs
BY KIM STILWELL