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WINTER 2017 HOMESCHOOL IOWA 11
ten, even if they are just walking through the room. Make it very
clear to your children that you love spending time with them
and that they are important to you. If your children knows this,
your relationship can weather those times when you must give
needed correction and consequences. In fact, your relationship
will probably grow and thrive during those times as well.
After my last article, several people
asked me what I meant by “avoid lec-
turing like the plague.”I amvery thank-
ful that they asked so that I could clar-
ify. My “avoid lecturing” comment did
not mean that we should not verbally
correct and admonish our children or
teens. Quite the contrary, it is our job
as parents to do so. But sometimes
we tend to think that if we talk about
something for ten minutes and re-
explain it in ten different ways, it will
sink in more. In reality, our children
remember simple Biblical truths so
much better. For example, “When you speak to me that way, it
does not honor God nor does it honor me as your God-given au-
thority” makes a much bigger impact than a long discourse on
respecting parents. (If the child has a habit of being disrespect-
ful, the words should be followed by a consequence.)
While we work on teaching our children obedience and re-
spect for others, we must not forget to teach them humility as
well. Developing obedient children, just for the sake of having
well-behaved kids, is not our goal. Our goal is to raise children
who strive to glorify God in all they do. Most of us have seen
families who have obedient children, yet the children are self-
righteous. I have also seen families where the parents work hard
on teaching their children obedience, yet the whole family is the
epitome of humility, grace, and kindness.
Our mental image of a self- righteous person may be some-
one who has very strict beliefs and convictions. This may be the
case at times, but there are many very humble families who have
strict standards and beliefs. There are also very self-righteous
families who believe they are more holy than the strict families
because of their belief in their freedom in Christ. Any time we
feel superior to a brother or sister in Christ, we are being self-
righteous.
Obviously, we want our children to understand why we have
certain standards. But instead of quietly living out our convic-
tions, we can be tempted to criticize and gossip to our children
about families and individuals who don’t live up to our set of
standards and beliefs. We definitely should explain to our chil-
dren why we believe our standards and beliefs are pleasing and
honoring to God, but it should not be with the attitude that we
are more spiritual than others. Before God, we are all sinners,
even if we sin differently than others.
Sometimes we do need to discuss other people with our chil-
dren. Perhaps we even need to point out why we have chosen
to do things differently than another family. However, discuss-
ing others in a negative light should be the exception instead of
the norm. If we must discuss an individual or another family, we
need to do it with humility, love, and concern. We should never
convey a “we are more spiritual than they are” attitude. When
we explain to our children why we have certain convictions and
why we believe the way we do, it needs to be done with an at-
titude of humility and grace.
Even when fellow believers are violating clear Biblical com-
mands, we still need to show compassion, remembering that
any of us have the potential to commit any sin. When we talk to
our children about the person’s sin (and if the sin is public, we
should talk to our children about it),
our tone should be one of concern for
the person, such as, “It is heartbreak-
ing to live in broken fellowship with
our Savior. The consequences of sin
are great. We need to pray for them.
We need to encourage and help them
to overcome this sin in any way we
can.” We need to avoid a condescend-
ing, scornful, smug attitude at all cost.
I admit that line between being dis-
cerning and being critical can be very
thin. We need to teach our children to
be discerning without teaching them
to have a critical, prideful spirit. The latter will harm their rela-
tionships their whole life. However, a discerning spirit will en-
hance their relationships with their brothers and sisters in Christ.
A self-righteous person does not edify their brothers and sis-
ters in Christ. We do not enjoy being around a critical person. If
we sense that someone believes they are more “spiritual” than
we are, we do not seek their counsel or desire to form a close
relationship with them. On the other hand, we do enjoy being
around a discerning, compassionate person. We confide in them
and seek their advice. If we want our children to have a positive
spiritual impact on others, we must teach them to be discerning
without being critical or self-righteous.
Learning humility and obedience to authority is not some-
thing that stops when we grow up. For most of us, this is a life-
long lesson. Having children gives us one more reason to work
on this since we are their example. May God bless each of you as
you raise your children in obedience and humility.
Kim has been married to Jeff, her high school sweetheart, since
1987. They have been blessed with five children: Joshua, married
to Alissa; Joseph; Josiah; Jessica; and Jennifer. The older four are
young adults, and Jennifer is in high school. Jeff and Kim have
homeschooled their children since their oldest son started school.
They make their home in Des Moines, Iowa.
“..sometimes we tend to think
that if we talk about something
for ten minutes and re-explain
it in ten different ways, it will
sink in more. In reality, our
children remember simple
Biblical truths so much better.”
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