Winter 2017b

HOMESCHOOLIOWA.ORG

he daily task of parenting can be exhausting. We love

our children. They are precious to us. But raising children

is hard work. It would be a lot easier, at least in the short

term, if we let our children have their way in everything. But then

we would be doing our children a great disservice. We would

also be going against the God-given chain of command. God’s

Word is very clear. Children are a gift from God and, as parents,

we are supposed to raise our children to honor and glorify God.

Children are to obey their parents. Our home should be God-

centered, not child-centered. In other words, the parents are in

charge, weighing their decisions in light of God’s Word.

Sometimes this is a hard concept to put into practice. It can be

difficult to see our children disappointed or unhappy. As our kids

get older and more mature, they can often be an integral part

of decision making. We should welcome their respectfully-given

suggestions and truly consider what they say. But, ultimately,

Dad and Mommake the final decisions.

If we, as parents, are confident we have made the best deci-

sion for our family, we should not allow our children to sway us.

Children can try to control us with their tears, pouting, and silent

treatment. Some children should seriously consider becoming

lawyers, because you walk away from their arguments wonder-

ing if they are right and you are wrong. Other children seem to

have been born with a victim status. These are sinful traits, not

God-ordained ones. We need to call their sin for what it is and

help them to overcome these manipulative behaviors. There are

times, especially as our children get older, when we may not feel

very smart or wise in our decisions. But, trust me, if you are striv-

ing to live your life in a way that is pleasing to God, you are wiser

than your six-year-old and even your sixteen-year-old. While it

may give them temporary satisfaction to get their way, we are

harming them greatly if we allow them to run the show.

Many of our rules are family rules. Some examples of these

family rules would be that each child is expected to take their

plate to the sink after a meal and that bedtime is at 8:00. These

rules may change as the years go by, and there may be times

when exceptions are made to the rules. That is fine. They are

family rules and not direct commands from Scripture. But our

children still need to obey these rules because we are their God-

given authority.

Then there are God’s rules. There are never exceptions to these

rules, and these rules never change. It will never be okay for our

child to lie. Our children need to respect others and to show

kindness, because this is what God expects of them. When our

children break rules, either house rules or God-given rules, there

should be consequences. At our house, the consequences were

more severe if direct commands from God were broken.

However, the fact that parents are children’s God-given author-

ity is not to imply in any way that we should have a dictator com-

plex. We should not constantly be saying“no”just to show we are

“in charge”or because it is more convenient for us. If Jeff and I can

say “yes” to our kids, we do. Our motive for expecting obedience

is because it honors God and because we love our children. We

know that learning to submit to God-given authority is what is

best for them, both practically and spiritually.

The vast majority of our time with our children should be

spent in building a relationship with them. Read to them. Laugh

with them. Have them work alongside of you. Go on adventures

with them. Pray with them. Read God’s Word together. Faith-

fully and regularly attend church with them. Smile at them of-

A Foundation of Humility and Obedience

BY KIM STILWELL