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FALL 2021 HOMESCHOOL IOWA 13
Bullying is Not a School Issue; It’s a Cultural Issue
BY CANDICE DUGGER | HOMESCHOOL IOWA 2021 CONFERENCE SPEAKER
It was one of those calls where you jump into business right away.
We were discussing a homeschool conference where I would be
speaking, and we were going through the mundane details.
Somewhere between questions of whether I’d fly or drive, I thought
I heard her voice crack. As she told me the hotel was an hour and a
half from the airport, I thought I heard her sniffle. I asked if she was
okay, and she broke down.
“My daughter, Laura, is 17. She has always been homeschooled.
We go to church. My marriage has been difficult, but we’ve stuck to-
gether, and I thought I’d prepared her,” she cried. I listened quietly.
She continued, “Laura was taking online classes, and a few of the
kids wanted to join a chat room. The first two weeks went well, and
I thought Laura had made some online friends. One of the girls in
the group mentioned that she was trying to lose weight. And when
my daughter said she was too, the girl accused her of calling her fat.
Laura quickly said she wasn’t, but the girl told the other girls, and,
within hours, Laura was being called horrible things. Laura sent her a
text apologizing and asked the girl to forgive her, but the girl spread
it around to the other students, and all but one picked it apart and
said Laura was groveling.
To be honest, I couldn’t believe that something like that could
even happen. It seemed so preposterous. But then I read the mes-
sages, and there was nothing more than that exchange. I thought it
would be best for Laura to stay and work it out, but each day grew
worse. The girls started DMing Laura that she was ugly, would never
get a boyfriend, and was useless. I thought about reaching out to
their mothers, but since the class was online, it seemed awkward.”
I sighed. Unfortunately, I knew what was probably coming next,
and my mama’s heart grieved for Laura and her mom.
“The class was finally over, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. That
was over six months ago, and Laura has seemed more withdrawn,
but I thought she was just working through what had happened.
Then just yesterday, Laura toldme she had thought constantly about
killing herself, and last week, took some pills and hoped that she
would not wake up.” Laura’s mom sobbed.
“Laura’s classmates had reached out to her after the class through
video games and called her the most horrible things. They told her
to take a dirt nap, which she knewmeant to kill herself. Laura quit the
games, but had given one girl her phone number. The girl pretend-
ed to be friends with Laura and told her that a guy friend had seen
Laura’s picture and wanted to get to know her. Laura was excited and
felt so relieved that the tough time was behind her. She immediately
asked the girl to give him her number.
“The boy”was actually the girls fromLaura’s class. They strung Lau-
ra along for three weeks. They pretended to be Laura’s perfect boy-
friend. They flooded her with messages about how wonderful she
was until they decided to break her heart. While still pretending to
be the boy, they told Laura that she was ugly, useless, and should kill
herself. The girls laughed at Laura a few days later and told her they
had made up the boy because they knew she would never have a
real boyfriend. They also told her how stupid she was to believe that
it was an actual boy and that she is completely vain to have thought
that someone would like her.”
“Oh, mama,” I sighed. “I wish I could hug you. It is tragic that we
hear about these stories almost every day. Bullies targeted Laura.
We’ve been taught that bullies are hurting victims, but that is not at
all what research demonstrates. Bullies get an endorphin rush from
dominating others. In my leadership classes for homeschooled stu-
dents, I teach students how to spot bullies immediately, avoid being
targeted, and ways to help others who are being bullied.”
Laura’smompaused a second and then said,“I’ma bit embarrassed,
but I didn’t think homeschoolers could be bullies or be bullied. I
thought it was just a public school problem.”
I have heard stories like this from leaders and parents all over the
world. Bullying is not a school issue; it’s a cultural issue. Preparing our
children to handle bullying in today’s world takes a new set of skills.
Bullies are in our workplaces, churches, homeschool groups, sports,
online, and even in our families.
We continued the conversation, and I recommended resources
to help Laura and her mom. My team wrote the Bullied Broken Re-
deemed, Luke the Lionhearted series and produced BBR Leadership
Classes to help homeschoolers navigate bullying. Bullying is an epi-
demic in the United States, and homeschoolers are not immune. The
resources and classes we offer are instrumental in developing lead-
ers who will stand up to bullies in ways that will make them stop and
who will protect others.
Candice Dugger is the founder of Bullied Broken Redeemed. She is a
nationally recognized anti-bullying expert, author, speaker and trainer,
specializing in equipping leaders, parents, and youth on all aspects of Gen Z
Bullying. Website: .