19 / 28
SPRING 2020
HOMESCHOOL IOWA 19
you are finished with that, I’d like to talk to you about something.”
Then he knows I need his time and attention before he starts the
next project.
Communication is key. Do not expect your husband to read your
mind. If something is bothering you, tell him. Do it in love, kindness,
and respect, of course. Having said this, it is wise not to come to him
with every slight offense. If he speaks too bluntly once in awhile but
doesn’t make a regular habit of it, there is no need for confrontation.
We all blow it sometimes. But definitely speak to him about ongoing
actions or words that you find hurtful. (Of course, choose the time
and place wisely.)
On the flip side, while communication is good, nagging is not. If
you find that you are constantly correcting your husband, back off
and see what is really important and what is not. We should not be
the kind of wife who, when your husband says a place is half a mile
away, we jump in to correct him that it is really three-fourths of a
mile away. That kind of correction is unnecessary and can cause the
husband to retreat into silence or become frustrated that he can’t
seem to say or do anything right as far as his wife is concerned.When
I am tempted to correct or instruct my husband, (or anyone, includ-
ing my young adult children) I often ask myself, “What is the worst-
case scenario if he doesn’t do this?” Most of the time, it is truly not
a big deal. And even if it is a big deal, sometimes we still need to
back off. Ultimately, our husbands are accountable to God for their
choices. And even when the results are not good, we are not the
Holy Spirit. It is not our job to fix him.
Do not be easily offended. As I said earlier, men and women usu-
ally think differently. If he seems distracted when you talk to him,
give him grace and do not put the burden of perfection on him. (If
he is harsh most of the time or rarely listens to you, that is another
story and it should, as I said earlier, be addressed by someone with
much more knowledge of how to deal with this kind of behavior
than I am.)
“Comparison is the root of discontentment” is one of my favorite
quotes. Do not compare your marriage to someone else’s marriage.
Every marriage looks a little different. That couple that appears to
have the perfect marriage and the husband appears to be the per-
fect gentleman, trust me, their marriage is not perfect and he has his
sin issues, too.
Be quick to forgive. Our husbands blow it sometimes. So do we. As
Scripture commands us, forgive him seven times seventy. If you sin
against him, be quick to ask forgiveness.
During a rough patch in our marriage, it helped me to write down
all the good qualities I saw in Jeff and all the nice things he did for
the kids and me. At that time, it was easy to just see what I didn’t
like. Journaling what I appreciated about him was very helpful. On
the bad days, I could go back and read the list and be reminded that
there were many qualities in Jeff that were wonderful.
Enjoy life with him. Pray together. Laugh with him. Listen to him.
Smile at him. Cuddle with him. Work
together. Play together. Accept his
idiosyncrasies and love him anyway.
Tease him. Do the things you enjoy do-
ing together. Hug him. Kiss him. If he is
telling you something, even if it seems
unimportant or mundane, listen to him.
(If it’s important to him, it should be im-
portant to you.) Communicate. Most of
all, point him to Christ.