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be that as well. I mean it in the sense that people will be so com-
fortable with me that they see me as “just Kim.” In this article,
when I use the term “just woman,” I am referring to “just” in that
sense of the word.
When I think about the friends in my life who are“just women,”
they make me feel comfortable, accepted, and relaxed. I often
misspeak. I tend to ramble. I am overweight. I sometimes laugh
at the wrong times. I make mistakes. I sometimes interrupt. Yet
I am thankful for those in my life who
love me anyway. They will continue to
be my friend in spite of my many fail-
ures and mistakes. They do not put the
burden of perfection on me. I want
to be this kind of friend to others. My
heart’s desire is that my friends and
family see me as “just Kim.”
A “just woman” does not have a criti-
cal spirit. She is not nitpicky. If some-
thing isn’t just right, she can accept it
and move on with life. She does not
seek to find fault with others.
If God is not critical of something, we
should not be critical of it either. And
even if it is something that God would
be critical of (sin), we should still not
have a critical spirit but a spirit of“What
can I do to help you overcome this sin?”
A “just woman” assumes the best
about people or she assumes nothing at all. But she does not
assume the worst.
A “just woman” is not easily offended. You don’t have to walk
on tip toes around her. You don’t have to weigh every word you
say. She understands that people misspeak sometimes. If you
do say or do something that is truly hurtful, she either lets love
cover it or she lovingly talks to you about it.
A “just woman” does not make everything all about her. She
does not feel like she has it worse off than anyone else. She does
not feel that she is better than everyone. In reality, she really
doesn’t think much about herself at all.
A “just woman” has a depth of character. She has a deep love
for the Lord and others. Her deepest desire is to be like Christ.
She is patient and kind. She is understanding of the imperfec-
tions in others.
A“just woman”has a sense of humor. She does not take life, or
herself, too seriously. If someone stops by and catches her in her
pajamas and robe at 10:00 a.m., she sees the humor in the situa-
tion and is not unduly horrified.
A“just woman”is gracious. She is courteous. She has a friendly,
kind spirit. She is not prickly or moody.
A “just woman” sees her own faults and imperfections. She
realizes that there are sins in her own life that she has not over-
come. She is not self-righteous enough to feel that she is more
spiritual or godly than others.
I want my children to be “just” people, too. The best way to
instill this quality in them is to model it. Our children should see
in us a kind, patient, uncritical attitude toward others. However,
we should also actively and purposefully teach these traits to
our children. Some children tend to be critical of others. From a
very young age, we should discourage a critical spirit. If our child
says something negative about someone, we should help them
think through how to give that person the benefit of the doubt.
If it is blatant sin, we need to help our child to see the other per-
son’s sin with sorrow, not with self-righteousness.
When others think of our family, I want them to think, “Oh, it’s
just the Stilwells.” It would break my
heart if someone thought we would
think less of them or be critical of them
because of their imperfections or be-
cause they might do some things dif-
ferently than our family.
I should add a couple of disclaimers.
While we should strive to be“just wom-
en,”that doesn’t mean that we embrace
or accept sin. I don’t want anyone to
say, “Oh, it is just Kim, so I can bash
my husband and tell her every single
thing I don’t like about him.” I also don’t
want anyone to say, “It is just Kim, so
I can shoplift in front of her and she
won’t care.” I want my character to be
such that my friends and family would
not even consider doing these things
around me.
Another exception to always being a
“just woman” is our children. I want my kids to see me as a “just
woman,” and I want them to have that attitude toward others as
well. I want them to know that I will love them in spite of their
sins and imperfections, but I don’t want them to think I condone
their sins. My children are all young adults and older teens now,
but when they were younger, I would not have wanted them
to think, “It is just Mom, so it doesn’t matter if I do my chores,”
or, “It is just Mom, so I can skip my schoolwork today. She won’t
care.”We should extend grace to our children. They are children.
They will act like children. We should not expect the same ma-
turity from them that we do from adults. However, we do want
to teach them responsibility, and we need to give consequences
when sin is involved.
Being a “just woman” can be summed up in two passages of
Scripture: “Be ye kind one to another, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32)
and “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). My children
and I repeated the first verse every night before bed for years. It
wasn’t a magic formula to stop childish squabbles, but it was a
good daily reminder to them, and to me, to treat each other with
respect and love.
I am so thankful for all the “just women” in my life. They have
had such an impact and have led me to desire to be more Christ-
like. May God bless each of you as you desire to be “just.”
Kim Stilwell moved to Iowa when she married her high school
sweetheart and best friend in 1987. Jeff and Kim have five children
and a daughter-in-love. The days were indeed long, yet the years
far too short, and their children are now all older teens and young
adults.
“A ‘just woman’ has a
depth of character. She
has a deep love for
the Lord and others.
Her deepest desire
is to be like Christ.
She is patient and kind.
She is understanding
of the imperfections
in others.”