Fall 2020

FALL 2020

HOMESCHOOL IOWA 5

Embracing

race

JENN WARREN, EDITOR

recently had a discussion with some other homeschool moms

about morning routines and shared the schedule I crafted for

our family that has worked well for the past several months. This

schedule was built to work with my children’s personality differenc-

es, instead of trying to force them into the same mold. One criticism

of this unconventional schedule is that,

“kids need to learn to function

in the real world.”

I understand the perspective and the need to teach

our kids to just get up in the morning, but I disagree with that assess-

ment of the schedule. In teachingmy kids to identify their needs and

adjust to meet those needs I am teaching them how to function in

the real world.

In my house, my son has always risen with the sunrise and my

daughter likes to sleep until noon. For years I insisted that they both

get up at 7am, get dressed, make their beds, and be at the table for

our morning devotions by 8am. My daughter was often late or just

plain grumpy and unengaged. My son was bubbly, loud, and enthu-

siastic. In the evenings, my son was grumpy and lethargic and my

daughter was ready to play Scrabble until Midnight. Frustration with

each other was common. Until I decided to quit fighting my kid’s

natural rhythms and instead work with the kids to teach them how

to function within their personalities

and

“real world” expectations.

Long story short, we no longer all start or end the day at the same

time. Our relationships have also never been stronger.

We started the transition by talking about our personalities. We

took a few personality tests, learned about our strengths and weak-

nesses, and discussed how we are different and how we are the

same. Then we talked about respecting those differences and giving

grace to each other by not demanding that our individual needs be

catered to. In practical terms, this meant that my son had to tone

down his enthusiasm and chatter in the morning and my daughter

needed to stuff the grumpies and be more tolerant of her brother.

We also talked about how society has certain expectations that

adults have to be able to function within including typical workday

schedules, and that part of growing up is learning how to do that.

Then I made some changes to our morning schedule and our days

have been much smoother. Plus, my son is learning that he needs to

simply go to bed when he is tired, even if everyone else is staying up.

And my daughter is learning to go to bed early enough that she can

get up at a reasonable time in the morning.

For those curious, our new schedule looks like this:

5:30am - Mom gets up

6:30am - Son is up

7:30am - Daughter gets up

8:00 am - Mom & Son have some time

8:30am - Son starts school & daughter has some time with mom

9:00am - Daughter starts school.

We take lunch together around 12:30pm and our schedules are

then in sync until bedtime, when my son heads to bed by 9pm and

my daughter has lights out at 10pm.

Within a week of the new schedule I saw huge changes in our fam-

ily dynamic. I had instantly eliminated the start-of-the-day tension

between an extroverted, chatty, early-riser and my introverted, likes-

to-start-the-morning-quiet night-owl. At the end of the day, my son

is willing to go to bed earlier,

when he is tired

, because he had the

time with people that he needs at the start of his day and after he fin-

ished his schoolwork, while his sister was still working. My daughter

has learned that she will have to keep working in the afternoon, even

though her brother is done, because she started later. Also, she can

stay awake and read for awhile in the peace and quiet after her broth-

er has gone to bed, but doesn’t stay up too late because her

“peace

and quiet”

bucket was filled at various times throughout the day.

The difference a simple change

in our schedule has made in the

atmosphere of our home is amaz-

ing. This change wasn’t a big one. It

only adjusted the overall schedule

of the day by about a half hour, but

it honors the differences between

my kids and their personalities.

It lets them both succeed, even

though that success looks different

for each one. Beyond that, the un-

derstanding my kids now have of

how different personalities handle

different situations and have dif-

ferent intrinsic needs has made a

profound impact on not only their

relationship with each other, but

also on their relationships with and

understanding of others. Embrac-

ing these differences has allowed

us to develop empathy and grace

for those with different needs than

ourselves, opening our eyes to the

fact that there

are

differences in

what people need from others.

One of the definitions of “grace”

is a “courteous goodwill toward

others.” This grace is what we’ve

seen disappear from our culture

over the past several years as we’ve allowed differences of opinion

to be defined as character flaws. Instead of fostering critical thinking,

our society has embracedmocking criticismof those who differ from

us. Unfortunately, this trend hasn’t only been in the secular commu-

nity. We’re seeing it in the faith community as well. And we’re seeing

it among homeschoolers too. In a time and a season when we need

to foster relationships, welcome discussion, and recognize that a so-

lution that works for me will not necessarily work for someone else,

can I challenge us to embrace grace?

Let us raise a generation of homeschooled kids who can stand

firm in their convictions and stand out among their peers because

we taught them to extend grace instead of judgement. The stron-

gest leaders have the heart of servants. Jesus said it first when he

told his disciples that “whoever would be great among you must be

your servant” (Matthew 20:26, ESV). John Maxwell echoed the senti-

ment when he said “People do not care how much you know until

they know how much you care.” In my home, a simple 30 minute

shift in the morning schedule brought harmony and peace into our

home. My kids are receiving grace fromme and are, in turn, learning

to extend it to others. How are you embracing grace in your home?

Let us raise a

generation of

homeschooled

kids who can

stand firm in

their convictions

& stand out

among their

peers because

we taught them

to extend grace

instead of

judgement